Eng306J

In my writing class this week we are to write about an intense emotion and event that may have only taken a few minutes of time to unfold, but we are to describe in great exaggerated detail for the reader, it had to be 1.5 to 2 pages in length. I was required to title the work with the emotion, but NOT use that word to describe the feelings anywhere in the essay. This is more difficult than it first seemed. This is what I wrote I appreciate your feedback. Do you or can you feel the pain in this essay?

Pain
I was poised to descend the six steep concrete steps that lead to the backyard of my parent’s home. A familiar feeling of whirling overtook me, the stairs moved. I staggered to the right of the top step. My foot is half on half off of the top step, I am losing my balance. Arms flailing wildly, I am suspended for a second in midair much like Wile E. Coyote; if I were holding a sign it would read…Gravity Lessons.

I feel the scrape and burn of the concrete biting me on the back of my thigh, the pins and needles of nerve endings awakening and springing into action. My view of the world is alternated rapidly from bright blue sky to the hard sun baked ground. I hear my Dad’s booming voice yell my name, it seems as if he is off at a distance that I am unable to reach, and his voice sounds both alarmed and terrified. My heart is pounding; I feel its rapid lub-dub pounding in my ears. My stomach has changed its location and is now located in my throat; a sick, sinking feeling of impending doom. I feel as if I am at the top of the rollercoaster; the moment that you spiral at the speed of sound downward, the ground is imminent. I count each stick, rock and blade of grass along the way. I see the sidewalk at the edge of the grass and think, God don’t let me hit the sidewalk. I meet the ground, with an intense bright flash of piercing white light, and then the empty black darkness of nothingness.

In a few moments, everything is fuzzy and out of focus, I hear muffled sounds of voices a million miles away in a tunnel of some sort, am I dead? Things are becoming clearer slowly, I make a conscious effort to roll myself over, the world is spinning wildly, and I hear a deep guttural groan escape my body. With my eyes closed, I can feel some kind of hot, sticky liquid running down the right side of my head. My hand is trembling as I reach up to investigate; and it returns with a bright scarlet mess.
I open my eyes again and see two strangers peering down at me. They ask if I can move, I am trying to answer, but I cannot get my words to come. Move? I am barely breathing; my ribs feel like I have an elephant sitting on them. Every muscle of my body is crying, no… screaming from the impact. I can taste dirt and spit out some grass. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand; all of my teeth seem to still be here. To my left is my dad, cell phone in hand, and pasty white asking if he should call an ambulance. I manage to say no, no bones feel broken, but my skin feels like it is missing in a few areas.

The strangers are two women, my dad’s neighbors who heard the screams. With one of them on each side of me they help me stand. My body is making very loud protests and I feel nauseated and still dizzy. With my head pounding like a driving thunderstorm, I make my way with assistance slowly and carefully to sit down. My dad calls his next door neighbor and family friend Lisa, a nurse; to come over to assess me. She tells me I need to go to the hospital to be checked out. I agree…and make my way to the emergency room.